Friday, 23 November 2012

Give & Take

You know what happens when you get married? You have less sex. You’d think the opposite were true but past the honeymoon phase, you both begin to form a routine of work, house chores, pet chores (we’re dog people), grocery chores, laundry chores, cooking chores, movie, dinner, dinner with friends, etc. But it’s mostly chores. Stuff you have to do to keep life moving. Moving where? I don’t know. It’s moot at this point isn’t it? We’re here. We’re married. Let’s get on with it.

It isn’t like when you were still dating and every second of every minute was spent inhaling each other. Like crack. And bliss was just “hanging out” (translation: sex). Obviously, that time has passed.

You know what happens when you have kids? Even less sex. Because now, all those chores I mentioned? They all take a back seat to your kids. And at times, sadly, it can feel like your marriage has taken a back seat to your kids too.

How ‘bout a quickie? Can’t dude, the kid is sick. How ‘bout let’s make out? Umm, right now? How ‘bout a hug, can you spare a hug? Awww.

From sex to sympathy. I’ll take what I can get.

And maybe I’m saying this because this is the situation I’m in but to me, sympathy counts for a lot.

Sympathy means, she understands me. And that understanding allows us to talk about it and not be weird about it. I get to say what I feel and she gives me my sympathy hug. Which is still better than a doggie-pat on the head. Woof.

I look at our bed and I see our two kids fast asleep taking up about 60% of the space. My wife takes up about 30% and the remaining 10% belongs to our pillows. Why are there so many pillows on this bed???

Allow me to illustrate: we have two really long pillows, we have several hard pillows, soft pillows, a square pillow, a triangle pillow, a couple of hotdog pillows, baby breathable pillows, an additional baby mattress on top of our own mattress, a connecting baby crib with it’s own living ecosystem of pillows, and one blanket.

Why on god’s good green Earth do we only have one blanket? Because of course you know what this means. That by morning I’m left with a blanket the size of a hand towel. Like the one they use in hotels? That one.

My kingdom for a blanket!

When it’s time to sleep I squeeze myself between the pillows and steal 5%. I look at all four of us lying here on this shrine to pillows and think, well, this is where the magic USED to happen.

Then I think about those people who save themselves for marriage.

My sides are hurting and I’m not quite sure these are tears of laughter, but nevertheless, I’m one lucky dude to have such an awesome partner who really gets me. And because she does, I have no doubt that this puppy’s gonna get some. Eventually.

I guess what I’m saying is, kids have a way of taking up most, if not all of your time, they are after all, our babies. And some aspects of your married life get de-prioritized, shifted and it’s all a big adjustment. And I’m ok with that. Because I know that at the end of the day, when the pillows have been kicked to the floor, and my son’s feet are digging into my ribs, the missus and I are always in this 50 / 50.


  1. Great post! And I can really,really relate to it not because we only have two kids and lots of pillows in between. Real love is tough but then as a married couple get older and wiser you realize you are BOTH there for the long haul.

  2. Thanks for your great insight @sarah! :)

  3. some of the best writing ever! And I can totally relate to this!!!

  4. i love it marc! now if only more husbands thought this way. sadly, there are a lot more who make the wives choose between them and the kids. ano ba, sabay nyo naman ginawa yun bata diba?! i am thankful that my hubby is on the same page as I am when it comes to raising our children.

    1. thanks jenny! ya noh, stan is awesome!

  5. Thank you very much for this wonderful insight. I had my husband read this and he isn't really a blog reader but he had such a wonderful smile after this and gave me a kiss on the cheek and said, "That's so me..."

    Such a refreshing perspective from a husband, dad and partner...

    1. that's great julie, i'm glad your husband liked it. :)

  6. great writing! i love your humor, and your huMANity! :)